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Lesley Darling posted an update
I experienced a very curious ‘coincidence’ last night on the coaching call with Michael. Lynne asked me to unmute and my laptop went crazy, you know when it gets super hot and the fan is roaring to cool it. It had decided to do some monumental processing.
I could barely hear Michael over the din and it was a challenge to stay present to what he was saying.
There was a LOT of thinking going on. Was it because I hadn’t closed down the covid vaccine booking system? Was my laptop about to shut down and throw me off the call? What if I appeared to quit zoom right in the middle of this conversation I so wanted to have? All the time I also had that voice shouting “Stop thinking just listen, be with this now, try to focus and UNDERSTAND what he’s saying!”
So many thoughts, my head got hot. Ha, ha! 🤣
Even though I don’t have an internal fan to cool my brain down, the roaring usually seems to be inside my head. I’m starting to notice just how much thinking I do. I took on that task of explaining everything in the world as I see it, working as a scientist and then in IT. I’m still trying to use my brain to get this. But now I realise that’s not where getting it is going to come from. When I cool my brain, close down all the tabs, close it, then there is no problem to be solved.
As soon as I switched myself back on to mute, the laptop calmed down, cooled down. I was just expecting too much from it. Mmm, expecting too much, that sounds like familiar thinking!
Thankfully, I get to listen to the replay from a calm place where I don’t have to interact, I can just be with the content. This isn’t something to learn in a primarily logical way like how to fly a plane, this is more doing something by feel, like flying a helicopter. I am re-reading inside out revolution because now I’m not trying to READ it and GET it.
4 Comments-
When I listened back, everything I needed was there. But each time I find myself trying to ‘think’ about it, my head gets hot again. I keep making myself laugh, I am trying to break the ‘habit’ of thinking! 🤣
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Thank you for sharing this, Lesley. Many of the things are very recognisable and how you solved the computer crash – how it was kind of an analogy to your brain!
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Yes, the coincidence/synchronicity of what was happening to my brain and my computer’s brain was delightful. It helped me to see what ‘I’ was doing far more clearly in that moment. I am so glad we get to go back and listen to the recordings as often as we need. I am sure each time I listen I will hear something new. It was so lovely to share in your joy last night on the call with Lynne 🎉
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Yes, listening back is very rich. And re-hearing it…. I often suddenly have this ‘the penny dropped’ feeling many months later…. after having heard something.
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