Six Keys to Becoming A Supercoach, part one (#691)

This past week, over 1200 people signed up to participate in a series of six teleclasses with the core faculty of Supercoach Academy.  One of the great things about putting this Academy together is that I not only get to share the best of what I know, I get to learn from the best as well.

So over the course of the next two tips, I thought I’d share the best of what I learned from participating in the calls.  (You can register to download all 6 hours of this program for free here.)

Key One: The power of loving presence

In years of studying with Bill Cumming, one thing that always struck me was his assertion that:

…it is possible, given two critical factors, for even the most violent people to develop meaningful, productive, contributory lives, even within the confines of a maximum security prison. The fact that this is so speaks volumes in terms of what we can do. . . .

The critical factor . . . was getting these individuals to know that they were loved (i.e. cared about, valued) and that they were able to make choices. . . . If it is possible in this environment, with these men, it is possible at every moment in every environment with anyone.

While most of us will not be called to be the unconditionally loving presence in the lives of a violent offender in a maximum security prison, being able to be that presence in the lives of your family members and friends will help you to gain access to that capacity in yourself.

This was the key thing I took from this session – that the question is never one of capacity (i.e. “can we?”) but always one of access (i.e. “how can we?”).  And once you can show up as an unconditionally loving presence in the world, every life you touch will be transformed for the better.

Key Two: Following your happy wanting

In her session, Mandy Evans shared the beauty of a life created by following the path marked desire.

As she pointed out, even the Buddha was not the enemy of desire he is sometimes portrayed to be.  “Misunderstood desire” (or as I have heard it translated, “Craving”) is the root of all suffering.

Desire is just desire, as natural and unique to each one of us as a fingerprint.  And when we allow our happy wanting to guide our decisions, life takes on a simplicity and joy that has to be experienced to be believed.

I saw a very funny cartoon recently in a book called The Overfed Head by Rob Stevens that speaks to the overcomplication most of us make of our lives. He shows two people trying to decide whether or not to eat, and the inside of the first person’s thought bubble looks like this:

…need to limit my carb intake I shouldn’t eat anything after 8 PM Low fat foods will help me lose weight I just haven’t found the right diet yet I just need to exercise more I don?t have enough willpower That new diet pill might be the answer I need to drink more water I need to limit my carb intake I shouldn’t eat anything after 8 PM Low fat foods will help me lose weight I just haven’t found the right diet yet I just need to exercise more I don?t have enough willpower That new diet pill might be the answer I need to drink more water …need to limit my carb intake I shouldn’t eat anything after 8 PM Low fat foods will help me lose weight I just haven’t found the right diet yet I just need to exercise more I don’t have enough willpower That new diet pill might be the answer I need to drink more water I need to limit my carb intake I shouldn’t eat anything after 8 PM Low fat foods will help me lose weight I just haven’t found the right diet yet I just need to exercise more I don’t have enough willpower That new diet pill might be the answer I need to drink more water…

The inside of the second person’s thought bubble simply says:

Am I hungry?

The equivalent of that for us when we follow our happy wanting is to simply replace all the noise of the shoulds and shouldn’ts with one equally basic question:

Do I want to?

If you do, do; if you don’t, don’t. And that?s about as simple as I know how to make it!

Key Three: Success is Letting Go of Fear

Every time I hear Robert Holden speak, I feel both inspired and challenged – inspired by the loving presence he is in his work and challenged by the intellectual rigor he brings to his speaking.

There were many things in this session I could focus on here, but the one that occurs to me is to share what he calls the FOSI – a quiz style “Fears of Success Indicator” that can give you some idea of how large a role fear is playing in your current level of success.

(This is copyrighted material reprinted from Robert’s book Success Intelligence)

FOSI – FEAR OF SUCCESS INDICATORHow much can you identify with the following statements?
4– Completely  3– Very  2– Quite  1– Not at all


1. I am not always comfortable with the attention success attracts.2. I worry that any major success I enjoy will attract envy or jealousy.

3. I believer that greater success leaves me more vulnerable to criticism and attack.

4. I think any big success must inevitably require some sacrifice or loss.

5. I am uneasy about the high expectations that come with success.

6. I do not always believe I deserve all the success I experience.

7. When things are going really well for me I often feel uneasy.

8. I believe every major success has a high price or a hidden cost.

9. I wouldn’t like the person I’d have to become to achieve big success.

10. I think that success can ruin people and that it can create unhappiness.

11. I don’t like the idea of success that comes too fast or is too big.

12. I think that success can lead to complacency and a loss of motivation.

13. I worry that success will leave me feeling empty, and with nowhere to go.

14. I am not confident enough to see how successful I could really be.

15. I believe that success always leads to a fall in the end.


FEAR GAUGE:15 – 24 points:
This score indicates you have very few unresolved fears of success. This score is typical of people who face their fears and who are less afraid to shine.  When they do feel fear, they call upon extra help and inspiration.

25-39 points:
This score indicates an average level of unresolved fears of success. These fears may cause you to shy away from opportunities for greater success and happiness.  You are porbably playing small in your life.

40 – 50 points:
This score indicates a high level of unresolved fears of success. These fears may well conspire against your best efforts to succeed and will cause unnecessary struggle, setbacks, and failures.

51-60 points:
This score indicates an extreme leel of unresolved fears of success. This score is typical of people who suffer from dysfunctional independence; i.e. they believe they have to “do” success by themselves.

So how do we become more successful?  By letting go of the fears that we have identified and used to hold us back.

(In next week’s tip, I’ll share more about how we actually do this as I discuss the 4th, 5th, and 6th keys to Transformative Coaching that were highlighted on the calls…)

Until then, have fun, learn heaps, and I hope to see you in NYC in the new year!

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